My husband and I like to joke that we’ve nailed humility—just ask us, and we’ll pridefully tell you how humble we are. However, God decided it was time to test the depth of my humility several months ago, when I was invited to participate in an Activating Prayer Cohort through Novo Mission—a ministry that equips and mobilizes believers around the world.
I expected to sharpen my prayer life, maybe grow a little spiritually, and enjoy conversations with fellow Christians from across the country. And I did learn how to pray with greater confidence in the authority I have in Christ. But the real “ah-ha” moment came when I realized that my well-hidden pride and an equally well-disguised spirit of unforgiveness weren’t just slowing down my spiritual growth. They were grieving the Holy Spirit…and poisoning a personal relationship I had long written off as hopeless.
First, a little backstory: I have a family member who has rubbed me the wrong way, gotten on my last nerve, and pushed my buttons for years—I could go on and on. Because “Julie” is part of my family, I had no choice but to have her in my life and endure her prickly personality. And it wasn’t just me. She tends to rankle many others, too. Because of Julie’s inability to get along with others, I justified my dislike for her by saying it was a natural and normal outcome of the way in which she treated me and others. My indignation at her behavior even felt noble.
Fast forward to the third week of the cohort. When we began the unit on prayer for inner healing, we were encouraged to work through an experiment entitled “Forgiving Those Who Have Offended You.” Easy peasy, right? I started reading, believing that folks don’t really offend me, and if they do, I don’t hold grudges. But, what the hey, I thought I’d concentrate super hard and try to remember someone I needed to forgive and see what happened. I’m super humble, remember? This would be a piece of cake!
In the exercise, I started reading the list of the “Symptoms of Unforgiveness” and right away realized I was in trouble. It reads as follows (followed by my snarky, but unfortunately truthful reactions):
Continually rehearse the wounding scenarios connected to this person?
Yes, whenever possible.
Avoid and treat with indifference?
Yup, but only because she’s mean.
Talk to others about them in a negative light?
Oh, you mean like gossip? Yes, it brings me great pleasure!
Carry a secret wish that they would somehow fail or feel pain?
Gee whiz, you guys know about this one?
Treat in a passive/aggressive way?
Yes, it’s one of my specialities!
Become easily offended by?
This is becoming extremely uncomfortable.
I didn’t immediately relate this list to Julie, but it didn’t take long for me to realize what God and I were doing with this exercise. It left me a little flabbergasted because I had no idea that unforgiveness was coloring my perception of Julie. I truly thought she just bugged the ever-loving stuff out of me, and that was that.
I continued with the exercise, which listed the reasons why we should practice forgiveness:
Unforgiveness is an offense to the God who forgave me.
Ephesians 4:32: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (ESV).
Unforgiveness destroys our relationship with others.
Hebrews 12:14–15: Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.
Unforgiveness gives the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26–27: Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
By this point, I was all in. All joking aside, I may be the opposite of humble, but as I learned that my attitude was displeasing to God and ultimately hurt me the most, I decided to seriously and intentionally work through the rest of this exercise to let Julie off the hook and give up the right to nurse my hurts.
It was now time to complete the exercise and do the hard work of letting go. As the Novo authors explained how to practice forgiveness, this statement stood out to me: “We have a choice in terms of how we will respond to those who wound us…By applying the gospel of forgiveness to our wounds, we are set free from living a life of reaction to the pain and anger of being hurt.”
Here’s the good stuff, the actual exercise to work through:
Clarify the offense.
I made a written list of all the ways Julie had hurt me.
Identify any sinful reactions.
See comments under “Symptoms of Unforgiveness” for a plethora of sinful reactions.
Confess to God all sinful reactions.
Telling the truth to God was super embarrassing, but He handled it well.
Forgive every offense.
________, I forgive you for ________.
________, I choose this day to no longer live in reaction to that which you have said and/or done against me.
________, I release you from the prison of my unforgiveness. Even as I have been forgiven, so also in Jesus’ name I forgive you.
Bless the offender.
Romans 12:14: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Dismiss any strongholds.
Since Jesus promises us that whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven (Matthew 18:18), I took a moment to bind the enemy in Jesus’ name, letting him know that I would no longer succumb to unforgiveness by the power of the Holy Spirit. I claimed victory!
Because God is amazing, the moment I completed the exercise, my shoulders literally felt lighter, and I smiled a huge grin that radiated the joy overflowing from my body! I started crying beautiful tears of freedom. My soul felt released—that’s the best way I can describe it. It was such an incredible experience, and I want that for you too!
Is there someone you need to forgive, maybe a competitive, disgruntled, annoying, or downright mean colleague? Or a student who gets on your last nerve most days? I encourage you to pray over this exercise. Ask God to show you who you need to forgive at school, home, or church. Work through it as I did and see what God shows you. You may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, but God’s got your back. He can’t wait to show you the freedom waiting for you!
Lastly, I’m happy to report that my relationship with Julie changed overnight. Not really a shocker when God is involved, right? Though nothing changed on her end, my perspective flipped 180 degrees. I can let the hurt and prickle go, only through supernatural healing from Jesus. Game-changer.
Interested in taking your prayer life to the next level?
Novo, a global missions organization, offers Activating Prayer Cohorts via Zoom at no charge. They are committed to their mission of helping awaken and equip disciples of Jesus to go out and make more disciples until the good news reaches the ends of the earth.
Check out Novo's upcoming cohorts at novo.org/prayercohort-zoom. Your prayer life will never be the same!
